Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Friday, November 06, 2009
Ramboid Jim's Advice Column #1
Dear Ask Jim: I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car started stalling and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter! I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help? Sincerely, Kate - - - Dear Kate: Yes, I can almost surely help you. A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking for debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solve the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. Regards, Jim |
Monday, July 13, 2009
How competent is Rambus management?
These are their entries into the "Marilyn Look-Alike" contest
(Submitted by FinzToRite)
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Father's Day Prayer
"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen."
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Money Angel
This is a Money Goddess. Pass it to 6 of your good friends or family and be rich in 4 Days. Pass it to 12 of your good friends or family and be rich in 2 Days. I am not joking. You will find an unexpected windfall. If you delete it, you will never know!
Okay, knock on wood . . .
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Another Rambus Inc. shareholder
Concerned about further dilution of her Rambus Inc. shares and en route to the annual shareholder meeting?
Hmmmmmmm, we don't condone violence or the threat of violence here at Treowth. But, we aren't members of PETA . . . so we'd be up for a hunting trip so long as Dick isn't invited. (Update - HT, FinzToRite)
Hmmmmmmm, we don't condone violence or the threat of violence here at Treowth. But, we aren't members of PETA . . . so we'd be up for a hunting trip so long as Dick isn't invited. (Update - HT, FinzToRite)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
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Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Friday, April 03, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
When the going gets tough
This financial crisis is forcing companies to make tough decisions, there is a risk that we might need to lay off Andre....
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Humor?
Has he been short RMBS for a few years ??
Did he commit a crime ... but the case was assigned to Judge Whyte ??
Has he done the opposite of everything Nuke John and TomOnTheBus has suggested ??
Friday, January 30, 2009
Friday Humor
An elderly couple is attending church services. About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.
She says: "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"
He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid!"
She says: "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"
He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid!"
Monday, January 05, 2009
Mail bag
My daughter wants to visit Paris and maybe spend an undergraduate year there as well. She tells me the French have changed or are at least changing - they like Americans . . . Maybe.
She wants me to stop picking on the French. Okay, but just one last time . . .
***
WHAT DO DEER THINK?
Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan , was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?'
Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.' The interview ended at that point.
She wants me to stop picking on the French. Okay, but just one last time . . .
***
WHAT DO DEER THINK?
Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan , was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?'
Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.' The interview ended at that point.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
It's official, Hades froze over . . .
No offense intended to those who reside in or love New Orleans.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Donkey's mail bag
The rest of the world cannot understand how, after bitter election campaigns, American politicians return to reality. For Instance, Sarah Palin has invited Obama and Biden to spend some time in Alaska on vacation.
She has provided a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment and has hired two other prominent men to assist them. Dick Cheney will instruct them in safe gun handling and Ted Kennedy will drive them back to their cabins in the evening.
Sarah thinks of everything !!
She has provided a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment and has hired two other prominent men to assist them. Dick Cheney will instruct them in safe gun handling and Ted Kennedy will drive them back to their cabins in the evening.
Sarah thinks of everything !!
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
Donkey's mail bag
BANNED FROM WAL-MART
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and use d it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least ..
October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and use d it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least ..
October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
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