Friday, January 06, 2006

Grande, please

Your mailbox is full of them - emails that cherished senders hope will make you, laugh, reflect, foster inspiration, encourage you to act (usually via guilt) or warn you of some danger. In addition, this time of year recycles the self improvement emails.

A Pinehurst Thread member sent me a list of rules for the New Year. One in particular caught my eye:

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

I only discovered Starbucks about three years ago. I had secretary who liked Starbucks and she liked to get out of the office. She would offer to run out and "pick us up a Starbucks" - of course, I was buying. Not really being into coffee, but wanting to avoid an update of the latest drama in her life, I would respond with a "sure."

It was habit forming. The first time I walked into a Starbucks to order for myself, I thought I was in church. People were speaking in tongues!

I am an idiot . . . let's see, how does it go . . . type, size, product, adds . . . maybe . . . heck. When I order it is borderline panic. I stand in line and repeat the mantra to myself - type, size, product, adds - while thinking, "crumb, I am going to get to the front of the line with a zillion caffeine starved addicts behind me and I will softly give her my order and then she will loudly respond "did you mean . . . ?" repeating my order in a different sequence. Crumb! I am an idiot . . .

I relate to the above "New Rule". . . except, that I think I actually might know what that "coffee" might be . . . except, well, is that order in the right sequence? Crumb, crumb, crumb.

I know I am not alone.

Here is a link to a site created by a former Starbucks employee - Starbucks Drinks Simplified (Kinda).

This blog, Starbucks Gossip, has a post discussing a 22 page how-to-order coffee manual.


blogan said...

I understand the imidation factor. I still stumble over my standard grande caramel apple cider order.

But I must disagree with the more complicated order corresponding to a-holeness. In my experience, it's women with the longer orders...

True story: before heading over to meet with a vendor, I called and offered to get her something from Starbucks on my way. She gave me a complicated order (in the proper order) that I had to write on the back of a business card to get right. After I read the order, the barrista asked, "Is this for Mary Lou?" She was right! We had a good laugh on that one.

Empiricum said...

Just curious:

--- what is sweet Mary Lou, "the vendor," selling?

--- how much is the starting bidding rate at EBay for a yearly collection of "Starbuckscard, Shareholder Special Edition"?
(Sorry, but these cards don't have the Del Monte logo minted on them.)

blogan said...

Emp, sorry to disappoint you, but sweet Mar' Lou sells contract electronic manufacturing services.

Empiricum said...

It's okay, Brent. Like I said, I was just curious. Hmmm.... did Any Donkey mention in his post about his secretary? There's something that sounds familiar here. Oh,memories. BTW, nice blog you both have.

Brian said...

My daily Starbucks order: Grande Coffee. That's it. If they ask if I want room, the answer is "no." I find it the best way to avoid Starbucks-counter anxiety.

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